A month ago I went to post this, for some reason I decided not to for the simple fact that I was scared… I shouldn’t have to be scared because I know now more than ever I am not the only one. So here we go.
Something a lot of you will have probably heard a million time before.
But for a short few, they will never know what it feels like to experience a panic attack, or living with anxiety. I secretly envy that.
At the beginning of this year, I posted a post how for the last year my anxiety had never been worse, and I put it out there thinking it would be a fresh start and a new beginning. In so many ways, it truly has been. But, sadly, my anxiety still strives to destroy what I love doing the most again.
In all honesty, I have no idea why I am writing this. I just kinda wanted to be another voice that if you are going through a rough time, or even struggling with your own mental health issues that you shouldn’t keep quiet about those sorts of things. I learnt a long time ago, that what comes with keeping those demons to yourself, just leads you onto a darker path.
Something I have been doing myself.
Then I broke my phone last night and it just all came pouring out.
I’ve been pushing myself a lot lately with the pressures of posting content and ‘an ideal’ image of myself out to the world as it seems at this moment in time. But, in reality, I feel far from it. Mainly, this strives for my university finals, I have never believed in myself becoming much of myself with education especially. At school, I would often just leave or lose all concentration in classes due to being bullied. I struggled to let go of that until about a year ago when I really felt as I almost had closure on that whole ball of crap. I’d hope that I had. Yet, I am still left with this constant sinking business which obviously shows ill probably never truly see the end to that.
I am ok, right at this moment, I am having a bit of a time dealing with the stress of overthinking my life and where it is at or where I am going. This doesn’t help my constant overthinking brain.
But that’s ok.
It’s alright to be not ok at some point in your life. If its just for a couple hours, or a week, or a month, heck you could have a shit year. But standing up and telling yourself, I am going to fight this. Just proves that you’re a hell of a lot stronger than you think you are.
Mental health conversations, though they have begun to be more widely shared and opened into the world, are still something people would rather keep quiet about. That, that’s not ok. This is me beginning my conversation. Hi, I am Elle, for the past six years, I have suffered from Anxiety, Depression and Bulimia. But, I am only here today because I opened my voice and fought back. If you are out there and keeping your voice shut, then stop. Speak to someone, anyone, my message board is always open.
Love you all,